This is Lexington Walters, here. My lovely wife, Amanda, has been publishing this blog for a couple of years. She’s read bits of it to me now and then, but it wasn’t until I was stuck home with a bad cold during a downpour that I have had time to just sit down and read them all.
And I have read them all. Every one. Some made me laugh, some brought tears to my eyes to read how much my wife loves me, and some I absolutely refuse to believe.
Amanda swears she’s telling the truth in every blog, and when I told her that some of these things seemed a little far-fetched, she dared me to write my own blog. Like that’s going to happen. She finally agreed that I could use one of hers to state my case.
1) About my sister-in-law’s bad cooking. She really isn’t as bad as Amanda makes her out to be. I’ve had fine glasses of iced tea at her house, and the leftovers she brought home from the Somerville Café were delicious.
2) About our son Eddie’s penchant for putting things downs the toilet, like all his socks, and flooding the bathroom floor, that’s kind of true. What she didn’t tell you is that he’d taken off his poop filled diaper and flushed that first.
3) About Lorrie defending Mel at school. It’s really the other way around. Yes, Lorrie is the big sister, but little Mel can take her down. And as much as she hates the smell of horses, Mel has figured out the lariat and managed to catch Chet as he dismounted and flipped the poor ranch hand right on his posterior.
4) About Amanda and I having to go to school to set Lorrie’s teacher straight when the woman decided that Lorrie had issues because she referred to her sister Mel as a girl, when Mel is clearly a boy’s name. Well, yeah, we did go to the school. And I did my sexiest walk between the classroom door and the teacher’s desk, but it wasn’t my fault the damned woman nearly hyperventilated. She clearly needs a pulmonologist.
5) About Amanda watching me train the new horse while the kids stood on the corral rails, and then coming right into the corral and pulling me into a kiss, the only thing I can say about that is that she didn’t mention me dropping the rope I was holding and following her like a lust crazed idiot back to the house while one of the ranch hands quickly climbed over the rails to take my place.
6) About the lobsters crossing the highway, trying to make their way back to the sea when Jeannie’s surf and turf was a disaster, that’s just what we tell the kids. What we didn’t say was that the next day, Rodney buried them in a deep hole in the backyard so the smaller kids wouldn’t cry.
“See, Amanda? There’s an explanation for all these things,” I declared after watching her review what I wrote.
“Uh huh.” She shut the laptop off and shook her head. Then she brushed herself up against me and sucked on my neck. “I tell you what. You leave the blogging to me and I’ll make you hyperventilate.”
Lex is resting. She didn’t quite hyperventilate, but she did end up using the inhaler Rodney gave her to help her breathe better.