Why God Made Locks

The first thing I am going to do today is to go to town and buy a lock for our bedroom door.

I remember years ago when all we had to worry about was Martha waking us up when Lex and I had gone to bed au naturale. Now we have the kids.

“Momma? How come your pajamas are on inside out?”

“Mommy? How come Momma’s pajamas…Mommy where are your pajamas?”

For many years, we were able to convince the girls of some ridiculous reason our pajamas had other places to be, other than on our bodies. But Lorrie got old enough for “the talk”. You know the one.

Lex and I argued for days about who should have the honor of explaining to our daughter what she had probably figured out on her own already. Neither one of us wanted to face her alone, so we eventually came to the conclusion that two parents were safer than one.

Needless to say, it was an enlightening talk, and when it was over, we learned much more about what our daughter was aware of. Much more.

Last weekend, while shopping with my grandmother, Lex, and the kids, Lex took the girls to the cookie vendor at the food court. While we waited, my grandmother and I stood outside of Victoria’s Secret . I spied a red teddy in the shop’s window and by the way I kept staring at it, my grandmother easily deduced that I wanted to buy the teddy for Lex.

“Don’t you think Lex would look amazing in that teddy, Dearest? Red is such a good color on her.”

My head whipped around to stare open-mouthed at my grandmother, MY GRANDMOTHER, who wore a smug look on her face at my discomfiture.

“Ub..um…GRANDMA! I…you’re not supposed…GRANDMA!”

Later on, my grandmother said that the shocked expression on my face was priceless. I was shocked to the core at hearing MY GRANDMOTHER making a comment like that. While I stood there trying to get my mind back from the billions of pieces it had exploded into, MY GRANDMOTHER marched right into Victoria’s Secret and bought the red teddy. I have to say, the look on the sales girl’s face was great, as she tried not to show her own disbelief of my grandmother buying such an item.

Grandma had the teddy gift-wrapped and attached a card that simply said, “From an admirer.” By the time Lex showed up with the kids, my grandma had slipped the wrapped package under my arm and had given me a wink.

“Watcha got?” Lex asked. Melanie’s attention seem wholly absorbed by her cookie. But Lorrie, the observant one piped up.

“Mommy, why is your face all red? Hey! Victoria’s Secret? Isn’t that the one on TV that has all those…um..ooooh! Hey mom, didja buy something there? Gonna show us?”

The redder my face got, the more questions Lorrie asked. And the harder she and my grandmother laughed. Lex was much more appreciative and saved her comments for when the package was unwrapped at home. Although, she insisted that I try on the teddy first.

That night, I peeked out from behind the bathroom door to see Lex perched on the bed with an expectant smirk on her face. With her encouragement, I walked up to Lex so that she could…um…examine the outfit. Just as she was exploring how well the teddy fit my curves, with her lips and hands, guess who barges into our room?

Like I said. I’m buying a lock.


2 thoughts on “Why God Made Locks

  1. I remember walking in on my parents when they were just about to…Anyway, I /REALLY think that locks are a MUST! LOL

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