Jeannie Must Die!!!

My sister’s Californian roots are showing. She thought the responsible thing to do, being married to a doctor and all, is to eat a more natural, “healthy” diet.

The girls and I were visiting her today when Jeannie invited me into the kitchen to taste her newest healthy creation.

“What is it?” I asked, not really enjoying the sight before me. In a flat baking pan was this brown dog-poop looking pastry. At first I thought she had found a better way to make brown sugar cookie squares. But, no.

“Try some!”


It was flax bread. You know, flax? What they spin to make linen from? Flax.

But Jeannie is my sister, and sisterhood trumps common sense. So I took a bite of the piece she cut for me.

I’d rather graze from the south pasture where the cattle are right now than to ever taste anything made out of flax again.

Jeannie watched me with a puzzled expression as my face went from curious to disgusted to murderous.

“You’re gonna die, sis!” I swear that was the nastiest thing I ever put in my mouth.

Lorrie told me later that when she and Mel and Teddy were out playing and I was watching them, Jeannie carried something out to the garbage can and dumped the whole thing in, baking sheet and all.

Flax. Ugh!

Hell Hath No Fury Like A Sister’s – Part Two

Our precious daughter, Melanie, learned a life lesson today in the nature of consequences. She has been saving her allowance from doing her chores to buy herself new *pink* cowboy boots. She spotted them in a costume catalog and decided that she must have a pair. But instead of purchasing new boots, that she nearly had the money for, she bought Grandpa Charlie a new electric razor.

Of course, when she tearfully handed over the gift-wrapped box, Grandpa Charlie picked her up and hugged her so hard, I thought Melanie’s eyeballs would pop. She hugged her grandpa back and promised never to bother his things without asking. Martha, naturally, awarded them both with a plate of fresh made oatmeal-raisin cookies. Mel’s favorite.

Freckles hasn’t been as forgiving.

Our Lorrie, bless her heart, was furious with Melanie, and would barely tolerate her presence. Then an older child at school started making fun of Mel. Lorrie found out about it and said it was worth it to spend the afternoon in the principal’s office. She didn’t hurt the boy, but he did have to clean his britches after she told him how they turn a stallion into a gelding. Then she put her arm around her sister and said, “Nobody messes with you!” And hugged her.

She is so like her momma.